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My hips were useless at providing any level of thrust at the angle they were asked. The instructional website the company provides says that once the Balldo is inserted, "light thrusting" is possible, which, as marketing overstatements go, is right up there with Red Bull promising the power of flight. You see—and I am addressing the creators of the Balldo when I say "you" here—inserting any kind of phallus into any kind of orifice requires some amount of force or leverage. We use our hips, our core, our arms, etc. to provide the force necessary to perform the penetrative sex that the Balldo is so hyperfixated on. It was fascinating to hold the Balldo in my hand and feel not excitement or even curiosity, but an intellectual challenge.

I had convinced myself that passion and lust were for younger people and that part of my life was over, but with this partner, I was having incredibly open, honest, fun, and exciting sex. We were completely comfortable with each other and asked for what we needed, explored each other’s kinks, and took care of each other. He told me he loved me and promised me a life together, but in the least surprising cliche ever, he balked at actually committing to a relationship when my divorce was finalized, and he’s gone now.

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